Ride or die Read online

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  Roger pulled up to the community centre, and they had to circle the parking lot three times before they could find a spot. The place was packed. Kanika couldn’t wait to get inside. She was glad to be with Sasha. Sasha had been to the hideout plenty of times. Roger had been there too. A few times Roger wasn’t with Sasha, but with other girls. A few times, Sasha asked him after hearing about the other girls. But each time he would lie his way through it and she would believe him. People thought Roger went out with Sasha just because of her father. Sasha’s dad was in real estate. He owned apartment buildings in Halifax and had a lot of money. Anything Roger asked for, Sasha would buy for him. But she would always say she did it because he was her man.

  Roger slammed the car into park and hopped out. He was nearly at the door by the time Sasha and Kanika caught up to him. Roger went inside without holding the door for them. So the girls took their time and walked in together. With people packed into the centre like sardines, it was hard to get a good look at who was there.

  “Crazy in here, isn’t it?” Sasha shouted over the pounding music.

  “Totally,” Kanika hollered back.

  As they weaved in and out of the bodies, Kanika followed close behind Sasha.

  “Where are we going?” she asked.

  “Just follow me.” Sasha smiled. “You’ll see.”

  Butts brushed up against Kanika, and hips booted her to the side as sweaty bodies spun and twirled to R. Kelly’s “Happy People.” Kanika almost lost Sasha in the mix, so she clutched the back of Sasha’s red cardigan. When they reached the far end of the gym, Sasha loosened Kanika’s grip on the sweater. She placed Kanika’s hand inside someone else’s. Kanika had to squint to see whose hand was wrapped around hers. It was Danny. Kanika was surprised and nervous. It was the first time she’d seen Danny since Gabe chased her out of the woods.

  “Hey, pretty brown chocolate.” Danny grinned. It was obvious he’d found a way to sneak in some alcohol. His breath couldn’t lie.

  “Hi, Danny.” Kanika wasn’t sure what she should say. Danny was her crush. And he was her way to find Panama.

  Sasha turned to go. “I’m going to leave you two alone and find my Roger,” she giggled.

  Kanika hadn’t shaken her nerves. She wasn’t quite ready for Sasha to leave. “It’s okay, Sasha. I’ll come with you,” she said.

  “Why don’t we all go?” Danny said as he followed the girls outside.

  Sasha took them through the back door so they could bypass the adults hanging around out front. Roger and several other young people were standing just outside. Sasha rushed over to Roger and wrapped herself up in his arms. All of the others seemed to be paired up too. Kanika felt awkward.

  “This your new girl, Danny?” one of the boys yelled.

  “Yup, she is tonight.” Danny beamed and wrapped an arm around Kanika’s shoulder.

  Kanika smiled. She had never been called anyone’s girl before. It felt nice. Danny was eighteen. To have an older boy think of her as his girl. It was something Kanika had wished for out loud, hundreds of times over, as she and the girls had boy talk at the hideout.

  For most of the night, Kanika stayed close to Danny. She tried to find the right words to say. He held her hand as they moved in and out of the centre. They would run in and dance to a good song, and then would run out again to join the others.

  Kanika was convinced that Danny had no idea it was her that Gabe chased through the woods. He didn’t mention a word about it and Kanika didn’t dare bring it up. The night had her feeling strange, but in a good way. It became clear that tonight wouldn’t be a good time to bring up Panama.

  When the DJ called for the final song of the night, Danny led Kanika to the dance floor. She was tall for her age, so she fit nicely in Danny’s arms. He nuzzled his face into her neck as they swayed. Kanika didn’t want the song to end.

  Toward the end of the song, Danny placed his face close to Kanika’s. He wrapped both his hands around her face and leaned in to kiss her. Kanika closed her eyes. The kiss was long and soft and wet. Kanika never wanted it to end. She hoped she was moving her tongue right, and opening her mouth when she was supposed to. When the lights came back up, Kanika and Danny were still kissing. Kanika opened one eye to see Sasha and Roger standing next to them.

  “Song’s over, lovebirds,” Sasha said. “Time to go.”

  Danny pulled away from Kanika. “I’ll walk you outside.” He smiled.

  The four of them exited from the side door. They got to Roger’s car first. Danny asked if Kanika would ride with him. As much as she wanted to, Kanika knew she couldn’t. What if someone saw and told Aunt Becky? Danny gave Kanika one last kiss and slipped a piece of paper with his number into the pocket of her white hoodie. Kanika said goodbye. As she sped off with Sasha and Roger, she just couldn’t get the smile off of her face.

  Chapter 7

  The Truth Comes Out

  “Kanika, come out here now!” Aunt Becky was screaming at the top of her lungs.

  Kanika rolled over. She looked at the tiny clock on the stand by her bed. It was only nine-thirty. She’d had a late night at the dance and returned back from Sasha’s house very early in the morning. She just wanted to stay in bed and dream a little more about her time with Danny. Why couldn’t Aunt Becky let her do that?

  “Now!” The shrieks grew intense.

  “Oh my god, I’m coming!” Kanika hollered back.

  When Kanika finally got to the living room she saw Aunt Becky standing with her hands on her hips.

  “Child, I ought to slap you right straight into the middle of next week!” Aunt Becky said.

  “For what?”

  “You tell me!”

  “Aunt Becky, do you know what time it is? Can I go back to bed?”

  “Girl, you got five seconds to sit your narrow butt down on that sofa. You ain’t going nowhere.”

  Kanika had no idea what had her aunt so angry. Did she find out about the dance? Kanika slid down on the sofa.

  “What did you do at that dance last night?” Aunt Becky was standing over her.

  How did she find out? Kanika wondered.

  “I said, what did you do at that dance last night?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Oh, of course you don’t. Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

  “I knew you wouldn’t let me go.”

  “So you lied?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “So where did you spend the night?”

  “At Sasha’s, like I said.”

  “Oh, really?” The way Aunt Becky stared at her, Kanika could tell she was worried as well as angry. “Are you having sex, Kanika?”

  “What?” Kanika was stunned to hear the word come from her aunt’s mouth.

  “Sex. Are you deaf? Or do you need me to say it in another language?”

  “I’m not having sex, Aunt Becky.”

  “Oh, yeah? Then how do you explain what I found in your hoodie pocket?” Aunt Becky held out a condom in a bright green wrapper.

  Kanika was shocked. Danny must have slipped it in her pocket when he gave her his number. “That’s not mine.”

  “Save your lies, Kanika! I want the truth.”

  “It’s not mine! Someone must have put it there. For a joke.”

  “Well, this is not funny.”

  “Why are you so angry?” Kanika asked her aunt. “It’s because you don’t trust me. You think I’m lying about everything!”

  “How can I trust you when you go out one night and come back with a condom in your pocket?”

  “Get off my back! I haven’t done anything wrong. If I wanted to, I could have stayed out all night and used that condom!”

  Aunt Becky gasped.

  “But I didn’t,” said Kanika. “Like I told you, I didn�
�t even know it was there!”

  “I’m just sorry I loosened my grip on you,” said Aunt Becky. “I give you a small inch and you take a whole country mile. Just like your mother!”

  The room grew silent.

  “What does that mean?” Kanika finally said.

  Aunt Becky didn’t respond.

  Kanika lashed out in anger, tears bursting from her eyes. “I asked, what does that mean? Why would you say that about my mother?”

  Without saying another word, Aunt Becky turned and left the room. Kanika picked up the TV remote and threw it at the wall. She jumped up from the sofa, ran to her room and slammed the door behind her.

  Kanika and Aunt Becky barely said a word to each other the rest of the morning. Just before lunch, Kanika snuck out to the garage where Aunt Becky kept the boxes of things that had belonged to Kanika’s parents. The dusty containers were stacked against the back wall, covered by years of memories and old dreams.

  It took Kanika nearly an hour to move things out of the way and figure out which boxes were which. It took another hour to sift through old photos, clippings and trinkets. Kanika was hoping to find something, anything, about her parents. But she found nothing.

  Filled with disappointment, Kanika began restacking the old boxes. Just as she placed the last cardboard box on top of the pile, a tattered brown envelope slipped through a tear in the bottom of the box. Kanika placed the box back on the floor. She sat on the floor next to the envelope.

  Before opening it, Kanika slid her fingers across the front. It was sealed with old tape. She gently pulled the tape away from the dirty envelope. As she got closer to opening it, she kept repeating please, please, please. Would this last find tell her something?

  Kanika reached in and pulled out a bunch of clippings and newspaper articles. As her eyes scanned them, she started to realize what they were. She couldn’t believe what she was reading. Her parents’ fate was spread out over those newspaper pages for all the world to see.

  Kanika picked one up and read it, the slip of paper shaking between her fingers.

  Prostitute and Pimp End Up Dead in Halifax Hotel Room

  Like a scene from a horror film, broken lamps and smashed glass tell the story of a life gone wrong. Grace Adams, 22, was a known prostitute on the Halifax stroll. Sources say her boyfriend, Fredrick Turner, 23, was her pimp. A tip from the hotel staff led police to room 413 of the Admiral Hotel, where Adams and her boyfriend were suspected of running a sex service. A member of the Halifax Regional Police posed as a “trick” and set up a call with Adams. The couple realized they had been caught, and a scuffle broke out. Shots were fired. The officer suffered non-life-threatening injuries. Turner was pronounced dead on the scene. Adams succumbed to her injuries at the QEII hospital. They leave behind a five-year-old daughter.

  Kanika stared at the pages. The words blurred as her eyes filled with tears. She felt sad for the life her parents had lived, and for the tragic way they died. And Kanika was the only one who didn’t know. She couldn’t understand why her aunt had kept it from her. Why hadn’t she just told her? It felt like a betrayal. Kanika had no idea how to deal with this new knowledge.

  The honking of a car horn jarred Kanika out of her thoughts. She stuffed the article back into the envelope and hid it under one of the boxes. She would have to come back to it later.

  Chapter 8

  The Ride

  Kanika was pleased to see Danny sitting in his car at the end of the driveway. She thought it was really bold of Danny to pull into the driveway and honk. Luckily, Aunt Becky was napping and hadn’t heard the horn outside. After everything she had just found out, Kanika needed to get away from the house. She needed to get away from Aunt Becky.

  “Hop in,” Danny called to her.

  Kanika shut the garage door and skipped over to Danny’s car. She blushed when he smiled at her. I guess I’m still his girl, she thought to herself. It wasn’t for just last night.

  “Wanna go for a ride?” Danny grinned at her.

  “You have to ask?”

  Kanika hopped into the passenger seat. She grinned back as Danny did a half donut and peeled away from the house. All Kanika could see from the side mirror was dust and smoke from the gravel road. As Danny sped up, Kanika thought his driving skills were incredible.

  Danny reached out for Kanika’s hand. She reached over and laid her hand across his. They chatted and laughed, holding hands as Danny drove. Even if they hadn’t exchanged a word, the way he looked at her said everything Kanika wanted to hear. She forgot all about Panama. She almost forgot about what she found out about her parents. All she could think of was Danny.

  Danny drove through Guysborough until it was a faraway scene in the rearview mirror. It was a nice day for a drive, and Kanika didn’t care where they were going. She was just excited to be along for the ride.

  Danny pulled in at a tiny hut on the side of the road. An old woman was selling scoops of ice cream for a dollar-fifty each. Danny told Kanika it was his favourite place to get ice cream. They got out and ordered two large scoops each. Kanika had Moon Mist and Danny ordered a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate. Kanika squished up her face at Danny’s choices.

  “I like my sweet things to be chocolate.” Danny laughed, winking an eye at her.

  Kanika knew he was referring to her being Black.

  “Your skin is so beautiful,” he said.

  Danny led her to the side of the hut where there was a worn-out picnic table. He climbed through on one side and she climbed in across from him. They gazed into each other’s eyes as they hurried to eat their melting cones. Danny was finished long before Kanika so he just sat and stared at her. Kanika was self-conscious about him watching her. She was careful with every bite. She knew Danny could tell she was nervous, but he continued to stare.

  “Ever had a boyfriend before?” Danny finally asked.

  “Of course,” she lied. She didn’t dare say no.

  “I mean a real boyfriend.”

  “Sure, kind of.”

  “Naw, I’m not talking about those little bitch boys at your school. They’re just cubs. I’m talking about getting with a real man.”

  Kanika was excited by the fact that Danny was older. She was dying to know what it would be like to be with him.

  When Kanika finished her ice cream, they thanked the lady and headed back to the car. They continued to make their way through town. After a few minutes, Danny veered off onto a winding dirt road.

  He must have seen Kanika’s confused look. “A friend of mine lives here,” he explained. “He’s working in Halifax for five days. So we can chill out here for a bit and watch some TV.”

  Soon they had parked and were inside the tiny bungalow. Danny started kissing Kanika eagerly. She kissed him back. They stretched out on the sofa, holding each other and kissing. They watched movies until dark. Danny asked Kanika to stay for the night. He promised to drive her back home in the morning.

  Kanika thought about how angry she was with Aunt Becky. She thought of how much she wanted to erase what she had read in that newspaper article.

  “Okay, I’ll stay,” she said.

  Danny smiled as he led Kanika to the tiny bedroom. The only furniture was a freshly made single bed, a small nightstand on either side of the bed and a tall dresser in the corner of the room. There was a full-length mirror attached to the wall by the door.

  Kanika’s hand shook inside Danny’s.

  “Don’t be scared,” he said gently. “I won’t hurt you.”

  Danny laid Kanika across the bed and pulled her shirt off over her head. He kissed her lips and neck. Kanika knew what they were going to do. She was afraid, but at the same time, she wanted it to happen. Soon they were both naked. Danny pulled down the blankets and joined Kanika in the bed.

  Even though Danny kissed and caressed her, Kanika felt pain
as Danny tried to enter her several times. But as soon as he was inside her, she felt tingling all over her body. She stared at the mirror. In it, she watched Danny’s body rising and falling on top of hers. The sweet smell of his cologne filled her nostrils. Kanika grabbed Danny’s hair as he breathed heavily in her ear. He whispered that he loved her and that he would always take care of her.

  When it was finished, Danny rolled over to her side. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “It was your first time.”

  “Yes.” Kanika was embarrassed.

  “Don’t worry, you’re all woman now.”

  She smiled as Danny kissed her cheek. He rolled over and closed his eyes, but Kanika couldn’t sleep. She lay there and replayed the event over and over in her head as Danny snored beside her. You’re all woman now. The words echoed in her mind as she finally drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 9

  Loyal

  Kanika woke up just as the sun began to rise. She had had sex for the first time, and it had been with Danny. Kanika felt different from how she had felt any morning before. Life for her felt different.

  “Let’s go, beautiful. I need to get back to Guysborough,” Danny announced. “Got some business to take care of this morning.”

  Danny’s words sounded urgent. Kanika remembered the conversation she’d heard between Danny and Gabe at the hideout. Danny was probably being pressured by Gabe to do some things he didn’t want to do.

  Kanika gathered her things and slipped into the bathroom to get dressed. By the time she came out, Danny was already outside waiting in the car. He was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently.

  “Don’t bother locking the front door,” he called out. “Nobody’s going to come around here.”

  Kanika got into the passenger seat. She was quiet on the drive back, not sure how she felt about what she had done. How would she explain her overnight disappearance to Aunt Becky?