Ride or die Read online

  Kanika convinced herself not to worry. But she did want to know why Aunt Becky mentioned her name on the phone that morning. Kanika had been wondering why she hadn’t heard from Panama, and now she needed to ask. Aunt Becky was working away at a crossword puzzle when Kanika entered the living room.

  “Hey, Aunt Becky, I heard you on the phone this morning.”

  “Oh?”

  “Who were you talking to? I thought I heard my name.”

  Aunt Becky sighed and looked up from her puzzle book. “It was Leslie, Panama’s mom.”

  “What did she want? And why were you two talking about me?”

  “We were talking about Panama. She’s missing.”

  “Missing?” Kanika was shocked.

  “Her mother was hoping you knew where she was.”

  Kanika became angry. Why wouldn’t her aunt tell her about this after the phone call?

  Aunt Becky could see Kanika was upset. “I’m sorry, Kanika. I don’t want you involved.”

  “Panama is my friend!”

  “When I talked to you yesterday, it didn’t seem like you’d been around her. So I didn’t bother to bring this all up. There’s nothing we can do here.”

  Kanika couldn’t believe her ears. Why was her aunt acting so cold? “But I’m scared for Panama. I hope she’s okay. Maybe I should talk to her parents.”

  “Do you know something?”

  Kanika was so angry with her aunt she refused to share. If she was going to reveal their hideout to anyone, it would be Panama’s parents. Kanika knew they wouldn’t be happy to find out about the hideout and what Panama was doing there. She had to think very hard about whether or not she wanted to tell on Panama. Especially after she told Panama how bad it was to squeal.

  “You will stay here, Kanika,” said Aunt Becky. “And I don’t want you calling them on the phone, either. You’re just a kid. The police have been called. So let them do their job and find her. Like I said, we can’t do anything here.”

  Kanika jumped up and stormed down the hall to her room. She was worried and hoped nothing bad had happened to her friend. She felt guilty for taking off and leaving Panama alone. A good friend would not have left. Kanika started crying. If Panama was hurt, it would be all Kanika’s fault for leaving her in the woods. Kanika cried for close to an hour.

  That night, as she drifted off to sleep, Kanika felt a tight knot in the pit of her stomach. She hoped that Panama was okay.

  Chapter 4

  Missing

  Kanika sat on her bed, flipping through pictures saved on her computer. She stopped when she came to those with Danny Waterman in them, just to stare at him for a while. She knew Danny had been at the top of his class. Without breaking a sweat, he would make A’s on his tests. He would get praise from teachers on his papers. Besides his grades, he had another great asset. He was extremely good looking. He was tall, with wavy blond hair, a gorgeous smile and soft pink lips. Girls called Danny a sweet-looking smelt.

  Danny seemed perfect to Kanika. She obsessed about how she could get close to him. She had heard some bad things, like how messed up his family was. Kanika didn’t care. She used to drag Panama to Danny’s football games, hoping he would notice them and smile. She was glad whenever he showed up at the hideout. But after football season, Danny and his mother had moved to Halifax, about three hours away. Danny came back some weekends to spend time with his grandparents. But even Kanika noticed that each time Danny came back to Guysborough, he seemed different. More mysterious. One weekend, someone asked him at the hideout what it was like living in Halifax. Danny said, “You wouldn’t want to know.” Kanika and Panama had talked about what he might have meant by that.

  A whole day had passed since Kanika heard from Panama. Kanika felt like she had to do something. When Aunt Becky stepped out to attend a community meeting, Kanika decided it was the perfect chance to catch up with Panama. If she hadn’t gone home, maybe she was staying at the hideout. Kanika slipped out to the garage and grabbed Aunt Becky’s old rusted bike. Kanika’s almost-new mountain bike lay against the wall. It had been there since the back tire busted. Kanika was still waiting for Aunt Becky to replace it. She hoped no one would see her pedaling Aunt Becky’s rusted contraption down the dirt road. But she had no choice. She needed to get to the hideout. There was no way she would make it there and back on foot before Aunt Becky returned.

  The sun was high as Kanika emerged from the dark garage. She squinted to keep the glare out of her eyes. She hopped on the bike and picked up speed, her feet pedaling as fast as they could. The sun was already beating down on Kanika’s curly ponytail. It would only get hotter as she rode. In no time, Kanika had reached the rusted guardrail. Panama’s bike was still there, leaning in the same place they had left it the day before. Kanika could feel that something wasn’t right. But she stepped into the woods anyway, heading toward the hideout.

  The sun cast beams of light through the trees and across her path. The only noise she could hear was her heart thumping under her shirt and the birds chattering in the branches. She got to the clearing and had the hideout in her view. Kanika started to relax. It looked abandoned. Maybe Panama had fallen asleep and was still inside, not aware that she missed the night. Kanika stepped across the swamp and neared the front door of the shack. She stopped short when she heard voices. One voice was Danny’s. She couldn’t make out the other. Kanika stayed by the door and leaned in to listen.

  “I won’t go to the police. I promise,” Danny pleaded.

  “Stop being a little sissy. You agreed to this. Now you need to carry it out.”

  Kanika stared at the outline of a boy as it slid across the tiny space. It was Gabe.

  “How the hell did I get myself into this!” Danny yelled.

  “I asked myself that in the beginning, too. But you can’t get out. Those cats make sure they have something on you. It’s too dangerous to chicken out. Besides, you’re getting paid aren’t you? What other job is going to keep your pockets fat like that?”

  Just then, Kanika lost her footing and fell against the squeaky door. Both boys jumped.

  “What the hell was that?” Danny hollered.

  Kanika turned and ran as fast as she could. When she peered back, she saw the boys standing in the doorway. Gabe started after her. Kanika picked up speed and slapped the bushes out of her way as she ran. Her heart pounded. What would he do if he caught her?

  “Get back here, you bitch! Let me see your face, coward!” he yelled.

  Kanika ran faster. When she got to the guardrail, she leaped over it and hopped on her bike. Without looking back, she pedaled as fast as her bony legs would allow. When she finally ran out of steam, she peeked over her shoulder. No one was there. She was safe. She continued pedaling until she made it home and into the garage. Kanika slammed the door shut, as if to shut off any chance of Gabe finding her or the rusted metal on wheels. She was sure he didn’t see who she was. But she was still shaken up. She went straight to her room and locked the door to catch her breath.

  Kanika tried to digest the words she’d overheard. What trouble had Danny gotten into? Did it have anything to do with Panama being missing? Kanika was angry with herself for almost blowing her own cover. She was sure Panama had found herself in some kind of trouble. And now it sounded like Danny was in trouble, too. Kanika grew angry. It seemed as if Gabe was behind it all. Kanika knew he was a no-good creep. But he was her only connection to finding out what had happened to her friend, and what kind of mess Danny was tangled up in. Gabe wasn’t a good person. And Kanika was afraid of him. She didn’t dare walk up to him and demand answers. Instead, she needed to come up with a plan. She needed to find Panama and help Danny. In order to catch Gabe out, her plan had to be a good one.

  Chapter 5

  Being Brave

  Kanika was up extra early the next morning after not sleeping much the night before. She ha
d been up half the night thinking about Danny and Gabe. Maybe Danny was trying to find out what happened to Panama and got caught up in the mess. He must have wondered why the girl who had brought him to the hideout in the first place was nowhere to be found. He must have noticed Panama’s bike on his way into the woods. From what Kanika had heard the day before, it sounded like Danny was in a corner. Kanika had to come up with a plan to get closer to Danny to find out what he knew. That was the only way she could help Panama.

  Aunt Becky was in her room getting dressed for church. Kanika knew she would be leaving in less than an hour, then staying afterward for a choir rehearsal. That would give Kanika at least four hours alone to figure out some things. The day she left Panama at the hideout, Kanika hadn’t called Panama’s parents for fear she would get her friend in deeper trouble. But Kanika knew Panama’s parents. She knew they would be crushed about Panama’s disappearance. They would wonder why their daughter hadn’t called. They probably had many questions to ask Kanika. They were sure to ask for anything she knew that might help them figure out what happened to their daughter. Kanika knew she needed to call Panama’s house.

  A loud tap on her bedroom door shook Kanika out of her thoughts.

  “Kanika, are you up?” Aunt Becky called from the other side of the door. She jiggled the knob to see if the door was locked.

  “Unlock this door, Kanika. You coming to church?”

  “No, Aunt Becky,” Kanika shouted. “Not coming this week.”

  Kanika hustled out of bed and opened the door. Aunt Becky barged in. Her eyes darted around the room. What did she expect to find, Kanika wondered. A boy? Drugs?

  “Why you locking your door?”

  “I locked it when I was changing last night. I just forgot to unlock it.”

  “You’re acting mighty strange, Kanika. Not answering questions, locking yourself in this room. You went to bed without saying a word last night.”

  “What did you want me to say, Aunt Becky?”

  “I don’t know. How about goodnight?”

  “Goodnight.” Kanika smiled.

  “Very funny. I wish you would come to church. Pastor Spalding has a special guest for the sermon this morning. He’s from Texas. And I know this man’s gonna tear that pulpit up! It’s gonna be good, girl!”

  “Well, say a prayer for Panama then.”

  Aunt Becky’s face softened. “Okay, Kanika.”

  Aunt Becky left, closing the door gently.

  Kanika dressed and waited until she heard Aunt Becky’s car thumping out of the driveway. She ran to the living room window and peeked through the curtains to see the tail end of the gold Ford Taurus leaving its dust on the pavement. Kanika plopped herself in the big armchair next to the phone. She was nervous as she dialled the number to Panama’s house. The phone rang three times.

  “Hello?” The soft voice came just as Kanika was about to hang up.

  “Ms. Leslie?”

  “Kanika?”

  “Yes, it’s me.”

  “My god, Kanika. I’m so happy to hear from you.”

  Kanika hadn’t planned what she would say before she called. She tried to find some words.

  “So, you know Panama hasn’t come back?” asked Ms. Leslie.

  “Yes,” Kanika replied.

  “Have you heard from her?”

  “I wish, but no.”

  Leslie sighed on the other end of the phone.

  “I really miss her,” Kanika said.

  “Me too. If Panama contacts you, Kanika, you need to tell me right away. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “You know, I spoke to your aunt the other day. She didn’t think I should talk to you about it. Does she know you called me?”

  “Yeah, she knows,” Kanika lied. “But why didn’t she want you to talk to me?”

  “Well, with the stuff she went through with your parents and all. Maybe she didn’t want you to feel responsible. But I needed some answers. I’m glad she came around and finally let you call me. We need to keep in touch for Panama’s sake. And if you hear or see anything, like I said, please, please call me right away.”

  “I will. I promise.” Kanika wanted to ask what Leslie meant about her parents. But she didn’t know how.

  “Okay, we’ll talk soon, Kanika.”

  “Okay.”

  “Kanika, there is a number I think you should have.”

  “Whose number is it?”

  “He’s a police officer. He’s trying to help us find Panama.”

  “Ms. Leslie . . .”

  “Don’t worry, Kanika, it’s fine. If you don’t feel comfortable . . .”

  “I don’t think Aunt Becky would want me to talk to the police.”

  Leslie sighed again. “Yes, I know. That’s what she told me. I thought maybe she changed her mind. It’s really important for you to talk to him, Kanika. You may have some tiny detail about that day. Something you don’t even know you know. It could help us find Panama.”

  “Okay, I’ll take the number.” Kanika was terrified to take the number, and even more afraid to call it. She grabbed a pen and scrap paper from the side table. She jotted the number as Leslie recited it.

  “Thanks, Kanika,” Leslie said when she was done. “And everything’s going to be all right.”

  “Bye.”

  Kanika hung up the phone. She wasn’t sure what to feel. She wanted to help Panama. But she was scared to talk to a detective. What if she got in trouble for not telling what happened sooner? She wasn’t sure exactly what she overheard between Danny and Gabe. What if it had nothing to do with Panama and she got Danny into deep trouble? Kanika didn’t know if she was even ready to tell adults about the hideout at all.

  Kanika took the number to her room. She hid it in a notebook in her top drawer. She wasn’t sure that she would ever use it.

  Kanika sat on her bed and thought about her talk with Leslie. Leslie had mentioned Kanika’s parents. It sounded like she knew something Kanika didn’t. Kanika was confused. Her mom and dad had both died when she was five, and Kanika had always wondered about them. What were they like? How did they die? Aunt Becky never talked about it. She had shown Kanika photos of her parents just one time. The photos showed them holding Kanika as a baby. Walking with her in the park. Standing over her as she blew out the candles at her third birthday party. As Kanika stared at the pictures, she imagined what they must have been like. She wished she could remember them.

  Aunt Becky had once told Kanika how much her mother used to spoil her. She would buy expensive clothes and toys for her baby. Aunt Becky had sounded annoyed as she spoke about it. Since Aunt Becky never seemed to want to speak of Kanika’s parents, Kanika wanted to know even more.

  Kanika had many things she wanted to know about her parents. But it never seemed like the time to ask.

  Chapter 6

  That First Kiss

  Kanika rummaged through her closet. She was looking for something that would grab the attention of a boy. She wanted to wear something more than the leggings and shirt she normally wore. Sasha, a girl at school, had asked Kanika to come to the community dance with her and her boyfriend Roger. The dance was like a kick-off to the start of summer. Vendors would be outside selling BBQ and sweets. Old man James Gorman would be out with his horse and buggy, charging two dollars for coach rides. And there would be door prizes. Kanika was very excited. Danny would certainly be there. This was the perfect chance for Kanika to get closer to him.

  She didn’t plan to ask Aunt Becky if she could go. She already knew the answer would be no. She would tell her aunt she was spending the night at Sasha’s. The year before, Kanika had gone to the dance with Panama and Sasha, who was new to Guysborough. The three girls ended up having a really good time, even though Kanika almost got caught when she was sneaking back into the house after the dance. This year,
Panama wouldn’t be there to join them. But Kanika felt as if she had to go for her friend.

  Sasha had been dating Roger for over a year. Roger was older than Sasha and in charge in their relationship. Anything Roger wanted Sasha to do, she did without question. Even when she didn’t want to. Even when it may not have been the right thing to do. Sasha kept telling everyone that, when it came to Roger, she was a “ride or die chick.” Kanika wondered what that really meant.

  Kanika finally pulled a short purple skirt from the back of her closet. She looked it up and down and decided it would do. She ripped a tight white top from its hanger and tossed both pieces on her bed. She grabbed her book bag and stuffed the clothes inside. When she left her room, Aunt Becky was reading at the kitchen table.

  “I’m leaving now,” Kanika announced.

  Aunt Becky looked up from her book. “And where are you going?”

  “To Sasha’s. Remember I told you last week?” Kanika lied.

  “No, I don’t remember that.”

  “So, can I go?” Kanika asked impatiently.

  “I don’t know, Kanika. I don’t really know Sasha all that well.”

  “Don’t you think I need to get out and be around people my age? It’s hard with Panama gone, you know.”

  Aunt Becky gave in. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. You should go.”

  Kanika smiled and kissed her aunt’s forehead. “Thanks!” she sang.

  Kanika ran to the edge of the driveway to wait. Roger drove a small car with a very loud engine. Kanika told Sasha that he needed to stop a few houses before hers so that her aunt wouldn’t see who was driving. When she saw the blue bug creep up to the driveway next to theirs, Kanika ran toward them and hopped in. Freedom was the word that came to her mind as the car sped away.