Ride or die Read online

  Ride or Die

  Wanda Lauren Taylor

  James Lorimer & Company Ltd., Publishers

  Toronto

  This book is dedicated to all those who think they have a handle on being normal; and to all of those who know that there is no such thing.

  Chapter 1

  Friends Forever

  “Kanika Grace Adams!” Kanika could hear Aunt Becky screaming from the kitchen window. But Kanika stayed outside and ignored the cries of the aunt who had raised her since she was five. Kanika was fifteen years old now. She wanted to be free of the tight grip Aunt Becky had on her. Kanika would go inside when she felt like it and not a minute before. She closed her eyes and stretched her arms wide. The wind pushed past her caramel face and swept her thick, dark curls into a frenzy.

  “Go faster,” she commanded her best friend Panama. Kanika was planted behind Panama on the bike seat.

  “Okay!” Panama dug her heels deeper into the bike pedals. She pushed forward with all her might. Kanika squealed with excitement as the bike shot forward.

  They came to a sudden stop at the top of Cooper’s Hill. Kanika hopped off the back of the bike and ran through the thick grass. Panama dropped the bike and flew behind her. They got to the clearing and zipped past the park benches scattered under the maple trees. They plopped down on a freshly mowed patch of grass. Kanika stretched out on her back and stared at the sky. Panama followed.

  “Let’s just stay here forever,” Kanika sang.

  “But what would we eat?” Panama asked.

  Kanika laughed.

  The girls stared at the puffy, white clouds moving and separating across the sky.

  “So, Kanika, who do you want to marry when you leave school?” Panama asked.

  “Don’t laugh. I think that Danny guy that comes around you-know-where is so sexy.”

  “Yeah, he is. Do you want to marry him?”

  “I think so. Our children would be gorgeous little butterscotch babies.”

  “I might marry Gabe.”

  “Don’t do it, Panama. He’s creepy.”

  They laughed, then stared at the sky.

  “Ever wonder what else is out there?” Panama broke the pleasant silence.

  “Always,” Kanika said. “As soon as we are old enough, let’s leave Guysborough and find out.”

  “Okay!” Panama squealed excitedly.

  Kanika closed her eyes and smiled.

  “We have to go.” Panama hopped to her feet, brushing the grass from her clothes. “My mom will be looking for me soon.”

  The girls were soon back on the bike, pushing the wind out of their path as they rode. Kanika wrapped her arms tightly around Panama’s bony waist as they pedaled down Cooper’s Hill at full speed. Kanika grinned. The warm country air breezed across her face and sent her hair flapping.

  It wasn’t long before the sun sank down behind the trees.

  “It’s getting late,” Panama worried. “We should have been back a long time ago.”

  Kanika knew that Panama’s mother was very strict. Sometimes Kanika could convince Panama to stay out a little longer than she was allowed. But this time, she sat back as Panama jolted and jerked along the dusty dirt road.

  Aunt Becky was stern too, but Kanika often tested out what she could get away with. “Aunt Becky has probably called all around the neighbourhood looking for me by now.”

  “I wish I didn’t care as much. Like you, Kanika.”

  “I just don’t like all these rules. We’re fifteen. Why do we still have to be inside before dark? Makes no sense.”

  “Well, I don’t want to get grounded.”

  “You still get grounded?” Kanika laughed.

  Panama was embarrassed. “Not anymore. I try not to make my parents mad.”

  The bike squeaked up the next hill and back down the other side toward home. Home was a tiny grove in Guysborough County, nestled in the eastern tip of Nova Scotia. Only four thousand people called it home, and the number went down every year. Kanika knew that young people left the country woods for life in the city of Halifax and beyond. She heard stories about college kids partying every weekend and tourists crowding the Halifax waterfront for summer events. She hoped to be able to leave Guysborough and see it for herself.

  Guysborough had a large Black population. According to Aunt Becky, their family history in Guysborough went back six generations. Kanika and Panama met in school. Panama hadn’t been born in Halifax. A Caucasian family had brought her over from China when she was nine months old. Since neither girl had any siblings, Panama was the closest thing Kanika had to a sister.

  The bike came to a halt at the end of Kanika’s driveway.

  Kanika gave Panama a quick squeeze and hopped off. “See you at school tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” Panama sang. Then she sped off toward home.

  Aunt Becky swung the door wide open as Kanika skipped up the driveway.

  “It’s about time you got here, young lady,” she said sternly. “I was about to send a rescue team out looking for you.”

  Kanika laughed. It was barely dark and Aunt Becky worried too much. Kanika slid past her aunt, who stood in the doorway with a hand on her hip.

  “You have nothing to say?” Aunt Becky called after her.

  “Nope.” Kanika kept walking until she was down the hall and in her room. She closed the door and listened to see if Aunt Becky would come in behind her and yell. A few moments passed and the bedroom door stayed still. Kanika got undressed and climbed into bed.

  “Peace,” she whispered to herself. Then she slowly drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 2

  The Hideout

  The next day at school, Kanika and Panama were sitting side by side in Principal Tyner’s office. There were only a few more weeks left before school closed for the summer. Panama was near tears.

  “Why are you so scared, Panama?” asked Kanika.

  “’Cause we’re in big trouble, Kanika.”

  “No, we’re not. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “But we didn’t report that fight between Trevor and Andy. Now Mr. Tyner knows everything. He’s going to call our parents.”

  The girls were the only two witnesses to the fight that morning between two guys on the basketball team. Andy had been beaten so badly he was taken to the hospital.

  “What are you going to tell him?” Panama was scared.

  “I’m gonna tell him I didn’t see anything,” Kanika responded.

  “But that’s a lie.”

  “Panama, how many times do I have to tell you? It’s not cool to be a rat.”

  “Yeah, but I feel guilty lying.”

  “Because you’re Asian?”

  “What does that have to do with it?”

  “Asian kids are super smart and super focused. They want to get perfect grades and please their parents.”

  “What movie were you watching? That’s not true. Well, it’s kind of true. But not for everyone.” Panama pouted.

  “Panama, do you remember what happened last time you tattled on someone?”

  Kanika quietly reminded Panama of the time Maddie from their gym class had broken into Keisha’s locker and stolen her makeup bag.

  “Remember? You ran and told. And after school, Maddie and her friends beat the crap out of you. I’m not saying it was right that she stole. But sometimes getting involved just isn’t worth the trouble.”

  Panama thought about it. “Okay, I’ll lie,” she agreed.

  “Good.”

  Mr. Tyner stepped into the office. “Follow me, ladies.”
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  Kanika and Panama followed Mr. Tyner around the back of the secretary’s desk and into his office. He held his arm out to tell them to take a seat. Then he shut the door behind them. His stomach jiggled as he zipped behind the desk and fell into his chair.

  “So, girls, do you know why I called you in to the office?”

  “Well —” Panama started.

  Mr. Tyner liked to talk and hardly listened. He went on before Panama had a chance to say another word. “I know you both saw that fight this morning. I need you to tell me what happened. Who started it?”

  “Don’t know.” Kanika shrugged.

  “Panama?”

  Kanika could tell by the look on Panama’s face. She was about to spill everything.

  As Panama gave Mr. Tyner a play-by-play of the whole event, Kanika covered her face with her hands and shook her head. She couldn’t believe that Panama told him every detail.

  The two girls walked back to their classroom in silence.

  Panama put her hand on the classroom doorknob and turned to Kanika. “Sorry,” she said.

  “Yeah, you’re gonna be when Trevor finds out that you told on him. And I don’t want any part of it.”

  Kanika pushed past Panama and swung the classroom door open. She quickly sat down and pulled out her binder. Panama walked in slowly with her head hanging. She clearly felt bad that she’d let down her friend.

  Kanika was annoyed with Panama. But at the same time she felt bad about being angry. After class, she would let Panama know she wasn’t mad at her.

  Panama smiled with relief when Kanika let her know she wasn’t mad. The two of them never stayed angry at each other for long. Not having a mother, Kanika always felt like a part of her was missing. Panama was without her real mother, too. Being friends gave them a sense of belonging. Especially when they felt like they didn’t belong to the parents who had claimed them.

  After school got out, the girls dropped their bags and hopped on Panama’s bike. They were on the way to their secret hideout. The bumpy dirt road soon veered off toward a dead end. Panama squeezed the hand brake. Kanika loosened her grip on Panama’s waist and the girls jumped off together. Panama leaned the bike against a rusted guardrail. It was the only thing separating the dirt road from a thick forest of aspen and pine trees. The girls squeezed past the “No Trespassing” sign. They trudged through the pathways covered in thick fern and grass.

  Only Kanika, Panama and a few girls from their street knew of the hideout. They used to make their way there after school and on weekends. Most times they talked boys, sometimes school and always about which famous person they would marry. But Panama broke their code of secrecy when she began inviting boys there. The boys started telling others, and as school neared summer break, word had started to spread. Now Kanika was never sure who or what she would see when they arrived. She took in a deep breath, wondering what she would find this time.

  The sun fell slightly to the west as the girls neared the swampy clearing. Panama’s face lit up.

  “I hope Gabe is there,” she blurted out. Gabe was the boy who had been teaching Panama about older kid stuff, like kissing.

  “Why would he be there?” asked Kanika. “Why did you tell him about this?”

  “He wanted to know.”

  “But he’s not even our age. The hideout is for kids our age. You shouldn’t have told him.”

  “He’s still a teenager, Kanika. Nineteen. It’s the same thing.”

  Kanika sulked. She hated Gabe. She hated the way he laughed like he was the only one in on some stupid joke. She hated the wide space between his dark, round eyes. His nappy afro that looked like it hadn’t seen a comb in weeks. The way he stared at people with a sly grin on his face.

  “Don’t be so selfish, Kanika. You don’t own the hideout, you know.”

  The girls plodded through the path in silence, Kanika trailing behind Panama. When they reached the edge of the creek, Panama started to run. A reflection of the broken-down boathouse glistened over the warm stillness of the thick, polluted lake.

  The area had been abandoned for at least a decade. Tangled grass had grown up over the path. Caribou moss wrapped around the bushes like thick grey beards of grumpy old men. The boathouse, ratted and unstable, was battered from years of storms and neglect.

  “C’mon, Kanika!” called Panama. “Everyone’s here.”

  “Who’s everyone?” Kanika picked up speed in an effort to keep up. Before she had a chance to leap across the swampy patches between her and the boathouse, Panama was already at the door. As she swung it open, Kanika could hear screams of laughter and fast talk coming from the tiny shack. Through the streak of light blazing through the wide crack in the door, Kanika could see Gabe with a bunch of teenagers. She didn’t know any of them.

  “Panama!” Kanika called her friend to come back. But Panama stepped inside, grinning widely. Kanika watched as Gabe grabbed Panama around the waist and stuck his tongue in her mouth. One of the other guys appeared in the doorway.

  “You coming in here? Or you gonna stand out there like a Black statue?” the guy shouted.

  Kanika froze.

  “Forget you!” the guy said. He slammed the rickety door shut.

  Kanika backed away. She pivoted on her feet and ran back through the woods as fast as she could. Her heart was pounding and her legs were like jelly. But she couldn’t stop running. Something wasn’t right with what she saw. She wasn’t sure what it was. What she did know was that she had to get out of those woods and back home.

  Kanika stepped over the rusted guardrail. She sighed as she eyed Panama’s bike leaning on it. The walk back along the dusty dirt road was long and tiring. A few cars passed Kanika along the way. But the drivers either kept right on driving or stuck an arm out of the window to wave at her. No one stopped to offer her a ride. It was just as well. She didn’t want to have to explain where she had been or what she had seen.

  It was close to dusk when Kanika began to speed up her steps. She kept hoping that Panama would come whizzing by on her bike and stop to pick her up. But by the time Kanika was just steps away from her front door, there was still no sign of Panama. Kanika sighed as she slipped inside for the night.

  Chapter 3

  Crying Eyes

  The sun peered through Kanika’s bedroom window early. As soon as it hit her eyes, she rolled over. She turned her back to the light, pulling the burgundy quilt up over her head. Her quilt was too thin to block the sounds coming from down the hall. She could hear water running from the kitchen tap. Then came the sounds of dishes splashing and clacking in the water. Several minutes later, Kanika heard the rhythmic swishing of the broom across the old kitchen tiles. There would be no falling back asleep.

  Kanika became annoyed. She threw the quilt off and sat up in bed. She paused and listened to see if Aunt Becky was finished cleaning. For a moment, there was silence. Kanika smiled and eased back onto the pillow. Seconds later, the vacuum cleaner roared through the house, drowning out her thoughts. Kanika slipped out of bed and stomped down the hall. The vacuum got louder as she neared the living room. She stood in the doorway with her arms crossed. She watched Aunt Becky fiercely push the vacuum cleaner over the thick beige carpet.

  “Good morning, Aunt Becky.” Sarcasm dripped from Kanika’s voice.

  “Child, why you up so early?”

  “Too much noise. Too much light in my room.”

  “Well, go climb into my bed. It’s nice and dark in there.”

  “Can I just get something for breakfast?”

  “Go on, sugar.”

  The phone rang as Kanika disappeared into the kitchen.

  “Hello?” Aunt Becky sang out as she switched off the vacuum.

  Kanika grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and filled it with cereal. She tossed three big spoons of sugar on top and doused it with skim milk.

>   “No word yet? Do they have any leads?”

  Kanika could hear Aunt Becky faintly from the kitchen. She stopped mid-chomp to hear more. What leads? What was she talking about?

  “No, I haven’t mentioned this to Kanika yet. Not sure if she knows,” Aunt Becky said in a quiet voice. Kanika slithered from the table to get a better listen at the kitchen door.

  “But I don’t want her to worry,” Aunt Becky pleaded. “Look, I’m so sorry, Leslie. But I really can’t help you. I’m already having so many issues with Kanika, I just don’t want her involved in any of this.”

  Kanika jumped back to her seat when she heard Aunt Becky saying her goodbyes. She couldn’t finish the cereal. She wanted to know why her name was mentioned.

  “Kanika!” Aunt Becky appeared in the entryway. “Got any plans for today?”

  “Maybe.” Kanika formed circles in the cereal with her spoon.

  “Where were you yesterday?”

  Kanika was not about to let her aunt know about the secret hideout. She figured Aunt Becky knew the boathouse was there. But she was sure her aunt had no idea that kids were hiding-out beyond the dead-end gravel road. She and Panama swore never to tell. Panama hadn’t kept her word, but Kanika was determined to keep hers.

  “Just went down the road,” Kanika answered sharply.

  “Alone?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “What do you mean, you guess? Were you by yourself or not?”

  Kanika wondered why her aunt was pressing her. She’d never asked so many questions before. “I was with Panama for a while on her bike, that’s all.”

  “And then?”

  “I said that’s all. I was with some of the kids at the end of the road. And Panama went somewhere on her bike.”

  “Where did she go?”

  “I don’t know, Aunt Becky. Oh my god, really?”

  “Fine, I’m sorry. Finish your breakfast.”

  Kanika grabbed the bowl and dropped it in the sink. She left the kitchen and went to her room to get dressed. She thought about how Panama had been getting into trouble lately. She wondered if Panama got into any trouble when she got home the night before. They hadn’t talked since they got to the hideout. Kanika was sure she would get a call from Panama at some point, bragging about her adventures in the boathouse. But by late evening, Kanika still hadn’t heard from Panama. She didn’t dare call. If Panama were in big trouble, then calling her house would surely make it worse.